her vagine was all disorganized.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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