Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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