I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
