Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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