The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
