dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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