I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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