just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
