Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
