cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
