i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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