you traded sex for a burrito?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
