please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
