This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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