Sry I called you an 8
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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