I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
