I haven't been this sober since birth.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We don't watch enough power rangers
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
