My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
