Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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