How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My ATM looks so different sober.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
