You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
