I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
