Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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