Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
