Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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