I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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