i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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