At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
