You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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