I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
