watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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