dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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