Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
