everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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