just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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