i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
