Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
