the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
