i jhust puked up my retainher.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
