So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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