areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize