Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
