Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
