Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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