you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize