I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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