So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my shit smells like andre
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Houston, we have a blender
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
