You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
