I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Bring me that man meat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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