I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
