I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
