someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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