i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
