Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
