Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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