Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
