Having a random hookup so left but love u
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
