just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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