she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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