sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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