If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
